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Dank Memer Wiki
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Crime is a currency command in Dank Memer.

Overview[]

In crime, you're given three types of criminal activities to choose one from, each crime with a different outcome message and possible rewards.

You can use the command /crime to commit a crime.

List of crimes[]

Crime Item Successful crime Unsuccessful crime Death
Arson None You set a building on fire and on your way out you found [xyz] Turns out you tried to set the fire station on fire, it didn't go up in flames. You tried to set the police station on fire! They didn't appreciate it and kinda sorta.. shot you..
Bank robbing Bank Note You robbed a bank irl and found [xyz]. Cute! You tried to rob a bank but got scared, lol You robbed a bank and the little old lady was packing heat, you did NOT make it out
Boredom Cell Phone Bo Burnham sent you [xyz] to send you outside! Score! You called Bo Burnham and told him a joke. You're really joking at a time like this? You were PROBLEMATIC and stayed inside for too long. Boredom killed you. Sad.
Breaking and entering You found ⏣ xyz, nice find. You found nothing, the key is to try harder. The key was to not break and enter. You died.
Cyber bullying Cell Phone You bullied a kid and he sent you [xyz] to stop! I hope that kid grows up richer than you. You tried to bully a kid, but quickly got banned by mods. LOL, seeya idiot. You laughed at a kid so much, you choked to death. Who is laughing now? Imagine being a bully.
Drug distribution Chill Pill / Delta 9 seeds You distributed a lot of drugs and earned [xyz], are you the next Escobar? You didn't find any clients... Maybe try a different industry? Police caught you and killed you immediately :( No more drugs!
Driving under the influence (DUI) Alcohol / Bottle of Whiskey You drank while at the wheel and hit someone. On them you found [xyz]. You drove your bike while drunk lol, who cares. You wrapped your car around a tree. Idiot.
Eating A Hot Dog Sideways Sanic Hot Dog / Golden Corndog You ate a hot dog sideways and found [xyz]. Freak! You ate a hot dog sideways and no one was impressed, only disturbed. You tried to eat your hot dog sideways and choked.
Fraud None You lied to an old lady over the phone and got [xyz] Turns out the lady you tried to scam, was also a scammer! Lady you tried to fool had a shotgun and shot you! That's just sad.
Hacking Normie Box You hacked into Dank Memer and gave yourself [xyz]. Evil! You hacked into your own router and found out the ISP does not actually care about you. You got caught hacking into Dank Memer and Badosz "Thanos Snapped" you
Highway Robbery Beggar's Bowl You found ⏣ [xyz] , after robbing poor people begging on the highway. You went looking for people to rob along the highway, and found nothing but depression. You're sad now. Get therapy, asshole. While walking along the highway, you were hit by a car. You died. Good car tbh.
Identity theft Fake ID You stole a developer's identity and gave yourself [xyz] Somebody noticed your strange behaviour and reported your account. You stole the identity of Chuck Norris... Unfortunately, he noticed it and MURDERED you with cold blood!
Idle hands Devil's Horn You did nothing with your hands for a day and somehow you found ⏣ [xyz]. Idle hands are the devil's playground. You attempted to do nothing all day with your hands, but instead felt a compelling force instruct you to put your hands inside the carcass of a rotting goat. You contracted goat ass disease and died. Why would you do that you freak.
Littering Garbage You littered and somehow found [xyz]. Diabolical! You littered in your own home lol You littered in your mother's house and Young Gravy was not happy with the distraction, he killed you.
Murder Bank Note You murdered a random stranger in a dark alley. There was [xyz] in his wallet! Was it worth it? You tried to murder a random stranger, but he got away! You can't even murder properly. You were holding the gun upside down and killed yourself! Imagine being this stupid!
Paying for twitter blue You found [xyz], bet you'll waste it on twitter blue again. You found nothing, and no I won't call it "x". Elon Musk catfished you to death. L twitter blue user.

All the cringe shit on twitter got to your head, you had a stroke. L.

Pineapple on pizza Pizza Slice You ate pineapple on pizza? Yeah that's fine I guess. You found [xyz]. Ew pineapple on pizza? CRINGE and f**king fail. DEATH TO ALL PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA EATERS (you died).
Piracy Camera / Keyboard / Mouse You ripped off your favorite movies and also found [xyz] You tried to pirate an adult film and got distracted on the free websites instead The FBI found out about that copy of your Air Bud DVD you made and "took you out"
Poisoning Witch Hat You found ⏣ [xyz], after you made a potion and poisoned someone with it. You WITCH. You attempted to poison someone with your nasty potion, but they didn't drink it. Probably because you're an ugly witch so no one trusts you. Ugly ass lookin ass. While making your brew, a much better witch turned you into a mayfly and then fed you to their frog. Get witched, bitch.
Shoplifting Cell Phone You managed to steal [xyz]. Money Heist! You tried to steal something, but the shop was closed! You stole an unknown drink and drank it. It turned out to be poison and you died. RIP
Stab grandma Coin Bomb /

Old box/Life Saver

Grandma had [xyz], you had a knife. It's easy math. Grandma said "ahhhh you got me bleh", but you found nothing to take from her. Jerk. Grandma pulled her dentures out and shoved them somewhere bad. You died.
Stealing from drug lords Delta 9 seeds You found [xyz], luckily they didn't see your face. You found nothing, but no one caught you either. The drug lord is not happy. You are no longer alive.
Tax evasion Badosz's Card / Bank Note You saved [xyz] on avoiding taxes! You better not tell anyone... You accidentally sent correct papers and earned nothing. Loser! You were caught and the judge decided to give you a death penalty, shame!
Treason Police Badge You successfully overthrew the government with your treason and in the halls of congress found [xyz]. You failed to host an insurrection, everyone is laughing at you. You were caught and the punishment for treason is death.
Trespassing None You walked straight into someone else's yard and found [xyz]. Free real estate! You got confused about what trespassing was and walked into your own back yard. You tried trespassing onto the property of someone with a gun f*tish and it did NOT go well
Vandalism Shovel You wrote "Dank Memer" on a wall and the developers sent you [xyz]. Nice! You tried to write something on a wall, but ran out of spray. LOL While writing on the wall you fell from the 10th floor and died.

Former crimes 2021[]

Crime Item Successful crime Unsuccessful crime Death
Devious lick School Urinal You pulled off the most devious lick and scored [xyz], thanks tiktok You didn't pull off the devious lick. The janitor watched you pee for some reason. You tried to steal a urinal but the principal came in and shoved your head into it. You died.
Santa's Mail Fraud Robbers Wishlist / Ornament / Candy Cane You managed to steal [xyz], Santa will NEVER know! Santa caught you for trying to steal his mail, go away! Santa is sick of your bs and decided that you no longer get to live

Former crimes 2023[]

Crime Item Successful crime Unsuccessful crime Death
Gift Stealing Christmas Gift You successfully stole ⏣ [amount] from the poor family down the road before they could wake up on Christmas morning When you attempted to steal from this family, you notice a large man in an elf constume singing loudly. Best to avoid that nonsense. You got home alone'd like the idiot you are. You died.
Singing Christmas music Daily Box / Snowflake / Candy Cane Your beautiful voice carried a tune only the gods could pay ⏣ [amount] for. No one cares about your singing. Shut up already. You sang at the wrong house. This house was a crack den and they thought you were the angel of death with your screetchy voice. You died.

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