Crime is a currency command in Dank Memer.
Overview[]
In crime, you're given three types of criminal activities to choose one from, each crime with a different outcome message and possible rewards.
You can use the command /crime to commit a crime.
List of crimes[]
Crime | Item | Successful crime | Unsuccessful crime | Death |
---|---|---|---|---|
Arson | None | You set a building on fire and on your way out you found [xyz] | Turns out you tried to set the fire station on fire, it didn't go up in flames. | You tried to set the police station on fire! They didn't appreciate it and kinda sorta.. shot you.. |
Bank robbing | Bank Note | You robbed a bank irl and found [xyz]. Cute! | You tried to rob a bank but got scared, lol | You robbed a bank and the little old lady was packing heat, you did NOT make it out |
Boredom | Cell Phone | Bo Burnham sent you [xyz] to send you outside! Score! | You called Bo Burnham and told him a joke. You're really joking at a time like this? | You were PROBLEMATIC and stayed inside for too long. Boredom killed you. Sad. |
Breaking and entering | You found ⏣ xyz, nice find. | You found nothing, the key is to try harder. | The key was to not break and enter. You died. | |
Cyber bullying | Cell Phone | You bullied a kid and he sent you [xyz] to stop! I hope that kid grows up richer than you. | You tried to bully a kid, but quickly got banned by mods. LOL, seeya idiot. | You laughed at a kid so much, you choked to death. Who is laughing now? Imagine being a bully. |
Drug distribution | Chill Pill / Delta 9 seeds | You distributed a lot of drugs and earned [xyz], are you the next Escobar? | You didn't find any clients... Maybe try a different industry? | Police caught you and killed you immediately :( No more drugs! |
Driving under the influence (DUI) | Alcohol / Bottle of Whiskey | You drank while at the wheel and hit someone. On them you found [xyz]. | You drove your bike while drunk lol, who cares. | You wrapped your car around a tree. Idiot. |
Eating A Hot Dog Sideways | Sanic Hot Dog / Golden Corndog | You ate a hot dog sideways and found [xyz]. Freak! | You ate a hot dog sideways and no one was impressed, only disturbed. | You tried to eat your hot dog sideways and choked. |
Fraud | None | You lied to an old lady over the phone and got [xyz] | Turns out the lady you tried to scam, was also a scammer! | Lady you tried to fool had a shotgun and shot you! That's just sad. |
Hacking | Normie Box | You hacked into Dank Memer and gave yourself [xyz]. Evil! | You hacked into your own router and found out the ISP does not actually care about you. | You got caught hacking into Dank Memer and Badosz "Thanos Snapped" you |
Highway Robbery | Beggar's Bowl | You found ⏣ [xyz] , after robbing poor people begging on the highway. | You went looking for people to rob along the highway, and found nothing but depression. You're sad now. Get therapy, asshole. | While walking along the highway, you were hit by a car. You died. Good car tbh. |
Identity theft | Fake ID | You stole a developer's identity and gave yourself [xyz] | Somebody noticed your strange behaviour and reported your account. | You stole the identity of Chuck Norris... Unfortunately, he noticed it and MURDERED you with cold blood! |
Idle hands | Devil's Horn | You did nothing with your hands for a day and somehow you found ⏣ [xyz]. Idle hands are the devil's playground. | You attempted to do nothing all day with your hands, but instead felt a compelling force instruct you to put your hands inside the carcass of a rotting goat. You contracted goat ass disease and died. Why would you do that you freak. | |
Littering | Garbage | You littered and somehow found [xyz]. Diabolical! | You littered in your own home lol | You littered in your mother's house and Young Gravy was not happy with the distraction, he killed you. |
Murder | Bank Note | You murdered a random stranger in a dark alley. There was [xyz] in his wallet! Was it worth it? | You tried to murder a random stranger, but he got away! You can't even murder properly. | You were holding the gun upside down and killed yourself! Imagine being this stupid! |
Paying for twitter blue | You found [xyz], bet you'll waste it on twitter blue again. | You found nothing, and no I won't call it "x". | Elon Musk catfished you to death. L twitter blue user.
All the cringe shit on twitter got to your head, you had a stroke. L. | |
Pineapple on pizza | Pizza Slice | You ate pineapple on pizza? Yeah that's fine I guess. You found [xyz]. | Ew pineapple on pizza? CRINGE and f**king fail. | DEATH TO ALL PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA EATERS (you died). |
Piracy | Camera / Keyboard / Mouse | You ripped off your favorite movies and also found [xyz] | You tried to pirate an adult film and got distracted on the free websites instead | The FBI found out about that copy of your Air Bud DVD you made and "took you out" |
Poisoning | Witch Hat | You found ⏣ [xyz], after you made a potion and poisoned someone with it. You WITCH. | You attempted to poison someone with your nasty potion, but they didn't drink it. Probably because you're an ugly witch so no one trusts you. Ugly ass lookin ass. | While making your brew, a much better witch turned you into a mayfly and then fed you to their frog. Get witched, bitch. |
Shoplifting | Cell Phone | You managed to steal [xyz]. Money Heist! | You tried to steal something, but the shop was closed! | You stole an unknown drink and drank it. It turned out to be poison and you died. RIP |
Stab grandma | Coin Bomb / | Grandma had [xyz], you had a knife. It's easy math. | Grandma said "ahhhh you got me bleh", but you found nothing to take from her. Jerk. | Grandma pulled her dentures out and shoved them somewhere bad. You died. |
Stealing from drug lords | Delta 9 seeds | You found [xyz], luckily they didn't see your face. | You found nothing, but no one caught you either. | The drug lord is not happy. You are no longer alive. |
Tax evasion | Badosz's Card / Bank Note | You saved [xyz] on avoiding taxes! You better not tell anyone... | You accidentally sent correct papers and earned nothing. Loser! | You were caught and the judge decided to give you a death penalty, shame! |
Treason | Police Badge | You successfully overthrew the government with your treason and in the halls of congress found [xyz]. | You failed to host an insurrection, everyone is laughing at you. | You were caught and the punishment for treason is death. |
Trespassing | None | You walked straight into someone else's yard and found [xyz]. Free real estate! | You got confused about what trespassing was and walked into your own back yard. | You tried trespassing onto the property of someone with a gun f*tish and it did NOT go well |
Vandalism | Shovel | You wrote "Dank Memer" on a wall and the developers sent you [xyz]. Nice! | You tried to write something on a wall, but ran out of spray. LOL | While writing on the wall you fell from the 10th floor and died. |
Former crimes 2021[]
Crime | Item | Successful crime | Unsuccessful crime | Death |
---|---|---|---|---|
Devious lick | School Urinal | You pulled off the most devious lick and scored [xyz], thanks tiktok | You didn't pull off the devious lick. The janitor watched you pee for some reason. | You tried to steal a urinal but the principal came in and shoved your head into it. You died. |
Santa's Mail Fraud | Robbers Wishlist / Ornament / Candy Cane | You managed to steal [xyz], Santa will NEVER know! | Santa caught you for trying to steal his mail, go away! | Santa is sick of your bs and decided that you no longer get to live |
Former crimes 2023[]
Crime | Item | Successful crime | Unsuccessful crime | Death |
---|---|---|---|---|
Gift Stealing | Christmas Gift | You successfully stole ⏣ [amount] from the poor family down the road before they could wake up on Christmas morning | When you attempted to steal from this family, you notice a large man in an elf constume singing loudly. Best to avoid that nonsense. | You got home alone'd like the idiot you are. You died. |
Singing Christmas music | Daily Box / Snowflake / Candy Cane | Your beautiful voice carried a tune only the gods could pay ⏣ [amount] for. | No one cares about your singing. Shut up already. | You sang at the wrong house. This house was a crack den and they thought you were the angel of death with your screetchy voice. You died. |
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